I just got home from a nice family reunion. I still feel depressed that I am not married but what the heck sometimes marriages don’t work out and end in divorce. Kids don’t always love their parents but I hate living alone. My house is a mess. I had some back problems and I let my home environment go downhill again.
It seems I can make great progress in clutter control but if I am not on top of myself I just revert back to my hold habits. Well to be honest it isn’t “THAT BAD”. It is just that when you have a history of clutter and procrastination the self-critic raises his ugly head anytime I let myself slip! I think the real issue is an underlying inferiority complex that I have not attacked all these years.
Yesterday one of my friends was talking about her son’s problem with bullying and how it is still affecting him even though he is over 30 years old. I can relate to that. I was the victim of bullying and it harmed me a lot. Yes I know all about Cognitive Therapy and that it isn’t the events but our reaction to the obnoxious events in our life that make us keep reliving the pain.
The problem is that some events hurt our self-confidence to the point that it is too painful to engage in Cognitive Therapy exercises. Sometimes the practice of self-assertion is far more important than just “disputing irrational beliefs”. Well put it this way if you are more self-assertive the disputing of irrational beliefs takes on a far more self-protective and self-nurturing aspect than the bland even cold responses of Rational Emotive Therapy.
Lack Of Self Confidence, Procrastination And Rational Emotive Therapy
I firmly believe that cultivating a STRONG SELF LOVE is a potent method for disputing irrational beliefs when doing Cognitive Therapy homework exercises. Albert Ellis gets far to tied up in the so called “eloquent solution”. Instead I believe in the “Self Love Solution” approach to Cognitive Therapy. When I have slip ups, like right now, I find it is because I have not actively practiced self-love and self-protection rather than merely not following Rational Emotive Therapy guidelines.
For those of you who are steeped in Albert Ellis’s Rational Emotive Therapy, what I am describing is heresy!
Now let me list some of my irrational thoughts and dispute them but with more of a New Age disputation than orthodox Rational Emotive disputation.
Irrational Thought:
- I cannot stand seeing my living room a mess. This proves I am a lazy slob who is not capable of making my life better.
- Because I have slipped up this proves I will never be able to keep my house clean. This proves I am defective!
- I feel overwhelmed and this proves I cannot do anything about this situation with my house clutter.
Aquarian Disputation:
- Too bad my room is a mess. But that does not prove I am a lazy slob only a person who has a schema that tries to hijack my life force and passion. I can love myself more and protect my inner boy from the bullying of the past. I don’t have to let my inner critic bully me anymore! When I see my house dirty this can be a trigger to my Inner Protect Parent to love and affirm my inner boy and give him the protection and encouragement he needs to clean the house. One way is by a bits and pieces approach and to accept it does not have to be done all in one session. I can “demonstrate” Divine Order in my life one step at a time.
- Why do I have to let my schema prove anything? This is a virus of the soul that is trying to use discouragement and self-blame to perpetuate itself!
- Just because I feel something does not make it true. This feeling is generated by my underlying schema of powerlessness, defectiveness and alienation. Now what can I do to PROTECT my inner boy from the bullying critical parent?
You will note that I used traditional Rational Emotive Therapy language but added Transactional Analysis terminology with a Aquarian New Age positive spin. No the devil did not make me procrastinate but neither did I! It was my “schema” or “life script”. This is a virus of the soul that robs us of our passion and “ownership” of life! Practicing a purely Albert Ellis style Rational Emotive disputation can increase the rebellion of the inner child and increase the “schema of alienation”.
When I apply the Aquarian spin to Cognitive Therapy I find my passion for life increased which should rob my schema of power! I find it an Aquarian spin to Cognitive Therapy increases my faith as I support my inner boy and decreases the schema of alienation. I am also using the “Emotional Freedom Technique” developed by Gary Craig to break the emotional hold that my clutter has on me. You might want to check out Gary Craigs’ “EFT Manual”. Again I urge you to read books by Albert Ellis, Jeffrey Young and also the Transactional Analysis movement. I will provide future listings for these.
Related articles
- Top Tips to Treat your Hoarding Syndrome (brighthub.com)
- A screening test for cognitive therapy? (eurekalert.org)
- Can Procrastination Ever Be a Good Thing? (psychologytoday.com)
